quarta-feira, 22 de fevereiro de 2017

Toppings, Icing and Frosting

I can't bake the cake.

And you're probably thinking this is ridiculous because you've seen me bake lots of cakes and you know I actually am a good cook.

But I can't bake the cake.

And I can't also get a job, choose my career, talk to my friends, eat right, go for a run, keep a healthy relationship or even cross the fucking street. You know what else I can't do?

I can't bake the cake.

I can't choose the flavor of the cake I should bake, I can't buy the eggs and butter, I can't set up the stove, I can't count the minutes.

I can't bake the cake.

How do I tell people I can't bake the cake? It's just a cake to bake. They'll probably just say "go on and bake the cake" like it is just tha easy because they don't know how hard it is.

Just bake the cake.

Maybe I'm not supposed to eat cakes anymore, maybe nobody should eat cakes ever again, maybe I should try and make a pie, but how could I make a pie if I can't even bake the cake?

Dammit.

I can't bake this cake

terça-feira, 21 de fevereiro de 2017

dazed

I wanted to hem my jeans with the kitchen scissors cause it seemed like a good idea. I clearly do not have the best ideas. I could start off with my pack of sleeping pills, or else, I could name you as another one of my bad ideas.That might be the problem with drugs, including love.
At the beginning they all give you exactly what you need. These sleeping pills gave me amazing hours of slpeed. You made life seem easire, brighter, happier. But tonight I can't sleep without my sleeping pills. And I can't see the colours of the day without you.

I went to the movie today. Reminded me of you/ I went to my favorite place downtonw to breath in and out, but all I could see was you. everywhere.
You've been gone and all I have done is missed you

Well, I still have som pills to put me to sleep. They'll mak me dream of you tonight,

quinta-feira, 15 de setembro de 2016

Mistakes

I trusted you
When you said you and M had nothing

I trusted you
When you said you were only hanging out with friends

I trusted you
When you told me J was just a friend 

I trusted you
When you said I was the only one

I trusted you
When you said V never meant anything to you

I trusted you
When you went on parties and said everything was alright

I trusted you
When you said I was the one who was lying

I trusted you
When you said you loved me

I trusted you when you lied


And because I trusted you I can't trust anyone else 

domingo, 21 de fevereiro de 2016

Self talk

It's just when you're alone that you stop and feel all the shit you have never felt before. You know, in the surface of your brain, that he doesn't want to hurt you because he loves you but, God, Everybody wants to hurt you cause, GOD, Everybody wants to push you down cause, God, They want to break you for their own bennefit and it's so weird that it's the first time in forever that someone ACTUALLY DOES NOT mean to hurt you and it makes you wonder, God, Why doesn't he want to hurt me if everyone did before and, God, Why is he saying those things if he doesn't want to hurt me and, GOD, Can you please please make it go away Because there you were, abandoned by your mother and father and the assholes that you had as a boyfriends before. God They ended me and, God, They wanted to hurt me so I'd be too hurt to run away and, GOOD GOD Someone actually doesnt want to hurt me no matter what But then you get hurt all over again and you realize... No one will ever not hurt you like they said they wouldn't. The difference is that some people want you to be hurt and some people regret when they hurt you. And that's one of the many reasons why I love him Because he's my safe haven and he will never mean to hurt me.

sexta-feira, 18 de dezembro de 2015

Why

Why do you say you love me but keep on breaking me down Why do you say you need me but keep pushing around Why did you say you want me If you're always too far Cause when you say you love me Feels like it's falling apart.

sábado, 15 de agosto de 2015

Mommy Issues

I try to forget And forgive But all of that shit Is still haunting me I remember when I cried When I was in pain When they bruised me And yet I stayed I try to forget And forgive But she keeps on making The memory live

domingo, 23 de novembro de 2014

Sober nightmare

I just wanna scream my pain so a the world could hear it.
I'd scream names so everyone would know
What happened to me before
And all the things I could never let go

I wish they'd regret everything they did to me
I wish I'd remember everything I did to them
I can't deal with this pain anymore
Can't deal with this ever again

Why am I depressed?
Everything is in place 
Why have I collapsed?
I think I've lost my faith

Where's love
Where's hope
Where's sanity
Depression will choke me

Help