What's going on, father?

I screamed
I screamed
I cried for help

You're my father
You should help me
If it's not you
Then who else?

I knew
That you knew
About those problems before

I just pretended
You didn't know
That my soul was so poor

I thought I could trust you
I thought you would help
But now I must find
I must find someone else

I've been trying
Some help I've been looking for
They also pretended they didn't know
And now I feel like a fucking whore

I would cry in your chest
But you never hugged me back
Here I'll be stuck
I still wish you the best

"Help me", I screamed
But you pretended you didn't hear
"What's going on, father?", I asked
You didn't answer
And it still fills me up with fear.

I am disappointed
I thought I could trust you
Obviously I was wrong
I hope it doesn't kill you too
Because, after all, I still love you.

Bittersweeting

I'm in love with the air
But I can't breath
I'm in love with the night
But I can't sleep
I'm in love with this place
But I must leave
And I'm in love with you
But you can't see it.

Care

Words

          are so full
             
                            of emptiness

Sad craziness

Life is hell
Or is it just my mind
It sounds louder than bells
And it feels like you're stuck inside
Stuck inside this hell
The hell that is your mind
built by depression
which is an aggression
In this dark world of mine

        Goodbye

My my my mind

What happened here?
Why's there so much fear?
They started praying the creed
As if the evil'd disappear
But this is a place where there's no peace
                                 Welcome to my mind

A scary place to live in
Where nobody's forgiving
A dark place that everybody's leaving
It's even hard to feel you're breathing
                                 Welcome to my mind

This is where I overdose in pills
Everything's a new appeal
Most of the things will never heal
It is happening, the pain I can't even feel
                                That is my mind

I am crazy
That's for sure
I am crazy
There is no cure.

                                Not for my mind.

I am sorry

I can't say it in your face
So I'll jut type it anyways

I love you
I really do
The most amazing love
That I have never seen so pure.

You may not understand
What is in my head
But it's ok not to comprehend
All the thoughts that I can get.

You try your best
But I don't succeed
It is not your fault
It is such a big amount
of my agriness that you receive

You shouldn't have to handle me
Neither my crazyness
Or anything like that

You are so fresh and pure
I'm scared of never being cured
And here comes all my yelling that you get

You don't deserve any of that.
I love you.
I am sorry I am such a fuck up

Fuck you

Fuck you, authorities
Stop telling me what to do
I am nothing like you

You compare me to yourself
You forget I'm someone else
You force me back into my shell
You turn my life into a living hell
And now you claim you just want to help

You're a liar
A bitch
A dick

You should be fired
Gave my soul a scar so thick

And again,

Fuck you!

Self harm

Cuts on her legs
Cuts on her wrists
Cuts on her belly
Not to mention the chest

Cuts are getting bigger
The skin is getting purple
Cuts are getting thicker
And they become a struggle

For me,
It's an addiction
But an affliction
Is what you see

Don't tell me to stop cutting
Or even stop crying
I'm cutting to feel alive
'Cause inside I'm dying

Oh, Skinny love

Come on, Skinny love
Just last a night
Drinks to numb her mind
Forgets what's right
My, my, my
Keep asking why
My, my, my                                                           
She's losing her life.                

             Oh, Skinny love
             Just last the week
             She's starving herself
             But the meal's here
             My, my, my
             She began to faint
             My, my, my
             Everyone's away                 
                                                        
                                     Oh, Skinny love
                                     Just last the month
                                     He keeps calling
                                     But she refuses to answer the phone                                                       
                                     My, my, my
                                     She feels so weak
                                     My, my, my
                                     Nobody's here

                                                               Come on, Skinny love
                                                               Just last the year
                                                               Now she has no pulse
                                                               She was never here
                                                               My, my, my
                                                               Keep wondering why
                                                               My, my, my
                                                              She lived a lie
                                                              My, my, my
                                                              Finally lost her life

"Love"?

Love?
What is that?
Can I feel it?
Will I ever regret?

Love
It's a weird word
A strange feeling
I can feel no more.

Love?!
Why does that bother me so much?
I can love nobody
They were all just a crush

Love.
Is anything but me
I'm unable to feel it
Why can't you see?

Empty croud

So many reasons to lie
But no reasons to live
All I want is to die
And my soul they shall keep

Tears come down my face
But I feel nothing anymore
All the love, I gave it away
So all that's left's a dirty whore

I'm dying
And I've been lying
Laying in bed while crying
Somewhere else I should be flying

Will he come home?
Does he need to be saved?
Why are we so alone?
There's no one else to blame.

They found the drugs
She had a stroke
I'm cutting again
The family's broke

It's all my fault
It started when I came

It's all my fault
I can only cause pain

It's all my fault
I should've gone away

It's all my fault
But for you I'll pray.

Anxiety attack

Breath
Breath
Breath
Anxiety is here again

Breath
Breath
Breath
Can you just stop doing that?

Breath
Breath
Breath
How can you stay so calm?

Breath
Breath
Breath
Can't you see what's all around?

Breath
Breath
Breath
What the hell is wrong now?

Breath
But, wait...
What was I going to say?
Oh, yeah.
What the hell is going on?

Breath
Stop telling me that
Oh, shit. Anxiety is here
And it is chasing me again.

Cuts

Just a cut
Just a scratch
"What is that mark?"
"It was the cat"

Just an excuse
Just another lie
"What's with all those bracelets?"
"Just fashion, why?"

Just a tear
Just a scream
"Why are you crying?"
"Just a bad dream"

But it's never just a cut,
A tear or a lie
It's always 'Just one more'
Until you die.

- Unknown

Depression on someone else's eyes

                    "You poor little thing!
                     Let me take care of you"
     
                                                                                                      "But, seriously...
                                                                                                       What do you feel?"

       "What do you want me to do?"              
                                                                           "Just eat!"
"                Why don't you just be happy?"
                                                   
                                                     "Let me check your wrists"


                               "You're grown up!
                                 Put your shit together!"


                                                            "Tell me what is going on!"

"You're being selfish"
 
                                                 "I'm here,
                                                  You know?"

                                                                                   "Just get over it!"

          "Why didn't you tell me?"

Haven

I found shelter
in the rain.
Hide the pain,
so he doesn't go away.

Maybe I have said it
Maybe it was wrong
Maybe it was too much pity
Or maybe it was you.


                                                                 I found shelter
                                                                 In the dark
                                                                 Where I could cry
                                                                 I know, it wasn't smart.

                                                                 Maybe I have said
                                                                 Something that hurt you
                                                                 Or maybe I just did
                                                                 Something I shouldn't do.


I found shelter
Inside your arms.
But what am I doing?
The affair went too far.

Maybe I have said
Something that was new
And you felt surprise
It wasn't all about you.

                                                           I lost my shelter
                                                           And faced the pain
                                                           What were we doing?
                                                           Who's gone away?

                                                           Maybe it's what I said
                                                           Maybe it was the affair
                                                           Maybe you began to stray
                                                           And it is time to go away.

The Lion and the Siren

     It was almost midnight and the moon was darker than usual. The Siren just got out of the river, turning her tail into beautiful long legs. Her hair curled to her waist.The Siren wore her satin dress and went to the village looking for a man to seduce, so she could drag him into the river and eat his flesh with her sisters.
     Meanwhile, the Lion walked on all four paws, and while he walked, he turned into a very attractive man. His mane became a long hair, and eyes seemed to catch fire. He would seduce a woman and take her to his flock, where all the lions would eat her flesh.
     It was a special night. Full moon night. Night of partying in the villages. A perfect night for hunting.
     The Siren arrived at a village and quickly hung out with everyone. She listened to the music played by the troubadours, who soon improvised something to sing to the beautiful lady, while other women felt jealous of the beauty and grace of the newcomer. Little did they know that she was a mermaid, willing to steal one of those guys and drag him into the river.
     The Siren started singing according to the music played. She sang with the most magnificent voice they ever heard. All men were almost drooling while they listened to the  perfect, sweet, melodious voice of the strange girl.The Siren didn't have a target in mind yet. She as planning on choosing the less interested of all men and would seduce him.
     The Lion went around the village and heard that supernatural voice. He needed to know who was the woman who sang so beautifully, and whether her flesh was as sweet as her voice. The Lion finally walked into the village. All women noticed the strange new man and started to whisper to each other, but the Lion was seeking the woman who sang with such grace, trying not to show much interest in her.
     The Siren realized there was a young man who wouldn't give her as much attention as the others.
     That's him,  thought the creature. This is the flesh we need.
     The Lion realized that the woman did not look at him as the others did, and he felt a certain mystery on her eyes.
     That's her, he thought. She has the sweet blood that end our hunger and thirst.
   The Siren stopped singing, and the music started playing as loud again. Men and women were excited and started dancing. Women trying to impress Lion, as the men tried to impress the Siren. But nobody was successful. Only those two could seduce one another with the greatest of ease.
    And the Lion danced with the Siren, forgetting his purpose, forgetting his hunger and thirst. He could only focus on the delicate body of the girl he held while dancing. And the Siren was lost in his eye. His eyes seemed to burn inside her, making her forget about her hunger for the flesh.
     And they danced. They danced for several hours without stopping. Until they decided to leave that place and get lost in the forest, where they made love all night.
     Before dawn, the Siren returned to the river, and the Lion returned to his flock. They had failed their haunt, but their brothers and sisters could get what they needed.
    The Siren fell in love with Lion and the Lion fell in love with Siren. But they could not be together because the Siren belonged to the water, and the Lion belonged to the fire. Still, nothing could stop them, nothing could stop the love they felt for each another.
    It was like that until the end of times: The Lion and the Siren met every full moon in the midst of nature, hidden from their flocks, hidden from people, hidden from fire and water, hidden so they could love.

Shelter

  She sat down in the cold ground of the bathroom and held her head between her hands. She felt lost. The girl  didn't know if she was trying to get rid of the thoughts that were haunting her, or if she wanted to keep sanity inside her head. Well, too bad. Sanity was long gone for her.
   "Help" She whispered.
   And he came. He sat by her side and asked what was going on. The girl started screaming.
   "I am crazy" She cried "And you know that! I lost it!"
   He took a long breath, then he said "Don't even say that. You are not crazy. You just need some help".
   She screamed again, but he calmly held her in his arms. She laid her head on his chest and stopped screaming so now she could cry. He caressed her, touched the scars on her wrists, as if that would make her pain go away.
   It did.
   At least for the night, but it did.