Self talk

It's just when you're alone that you stop and feel all the shit you have never felt before. You know, in the surface of your brain, that he doesn't want to hurt you because he loves you but, God, Everybody wants to hurt you cause, GOD, Everybody wants to push you down cause, God, They want to break you for their own bennefit and it's so weird that it's the first time in forever that someone ACTUALLY DOES NOT mean to hurt you and it makes you wonder, God, Why doesn't he want to hurt me if everyone did before and, God, Why is he saying those things if he doesn't want to hurt me and, GOD, Can you please please make it go away Because there you were, abandoned by your mother and father and the assholes that you had as a boyfriends before. God They ended me and, God, They wanted to hurt me so I'd be too hurt to run away and, GOOD GOD Someone actually doesnt want to hurt me no matter what But then you get hurt all over again and you realize... No one will ever not hurt you like they said they wouldn't. The difference is that some people want you to be hurt and some people regret when they hurt you. And that's one of the many reasons why I love him Because he's my safe haven and he will never mean to hurt me.

Why

Why do you say you love me but keep on breaking me down Why do you say you need me but keep pushing around Why did you say you want me If you're always too far Cause when you say you love me Feels like it's falling apart.

Mommy Issues

I try to forget And forgive But all of that shit Is still haunting me I remember when I cried When I was in pain When they bruised me And yet I stayed I try to forget And forgive But she keeps on making The memory live

Sober nightmare

I just wanna scream my pain so a the world could hear it.

I'd scream names so everyone would know

What happened to me before

And all the things I could never let go

I wish they'd regret everything they did to me

I wish I'd remember everything I did to them

I can't deal with this pain anymore

Can't deal with this ever again

Why am I depressed?

Everything is in place 

Why have I collapsed?

I think I've lost my faith

Where's love

Where's hope

Where's sanity

Depression will choke me

Help

True

Nobody will save you

But

Yourself

Vent

No one ever told you how beautiful you are. Not even me, I think, when I should have. 

Well, you are beautiful and talented. You can do great things and you can be a great person. I was really hoping that you'd be happy, but it doesn't seem like that's what happened.

I hope I never see you again. But I also hope you get better and stop hating me until you understand things a little better. I hope you get better. I hope you get to be happy sometime soon. 

About now

Once upon a time

There was a fucked up girl

Who wanted to taste 

Everything in the world

From alcohol to meth

From being alive to being dead

From great memories to regrets

From the future to the past

She was a whore

She was a saint

She was mental

And she was sane

She had 3 boyfriends

The Poet

The Manwhore

And The One

(At least she thought so)

The Poet was crazy

He thought he loved her

He thought she was amazing

Until he ruined her

She got scared

And ran away

Until the next 

Stupid boyfriend came

The Manwhore was a trap

She thought she loved him

Until she realized

He was such a twat

He broke her

As bad as The Poet did

She ran away to become

The whore she used to be

And then The One came 

Just to mess with her mind

He was just so strange

She thought he was also some lie

Was he trouble?

Was he a mess?

Maybe he was

The best you can get 

He smelled like home

He tasted sweet

But most important

He made her scream

He's really nice

She loves him now

We truly hope

He won't break his vows