terça-feira, 31 de dezembro de 2013

segunda-feira, 30 de dezembro de 2013

Evil's little babe

I've once been an angel
Who got fucked hard
Start praying the Hail Mary
For my broken mind

Little fucker
Making them ich
Like no one's ever done

They say they love me
They'll get fucked too
Once I'm fucking dead
They'll wish they knew
What the fuck was wrong with me

I'm supposed to be on prozac
I'm on heroin instead

Thanks, life
For letting me die

As they said,
"God's dead"
But, baby, don't say that

It's a sinners' world, hun

I'll laught at them
After I cut mu wrists 
And let them wish
The best for me



Feeling sick
Making myself sick

Fuck this

I'm not proud of what I do

And that is:
And Krokodil

I feel quiet ill

I can't trust anybody
I don't care
I'll fuck everybody

"Fucking slut"
As he said
Telling me he wishes I was dead

Oh, babe,
Make me sad

Oh, yeah
Right this way

I wish I was dead too

Make me cut my thighs 
And make fun of me as I cry
As all you do is lie
I've never been so ready to die

And I'll laugh at you
For loving me

That's all stupid shit
Nobody will miss me

I told them so
You know,
I get a little to drunk and watch as they go


I'm feeling a lil ill

My heart and mind are broke
And so is this world

sábado, 28 de dezembro de 2013


I'm drowning
In the darkness

The nightmares are here to wake me up


I'm lonely
And sad
And mad
And rad

I don't get it

How can you still hurt me
If I don't even love you?

segunda-feira, 9 de dezembro de 2013

I'm sorry, but fuck you

I remember how it was in the beginning 
When we both had some meaning
We were always dancing and singing
Didn't notice you were bleeding

I was a free bird
And you were a lovely poet

Than it changed
I broke my wings
And you ripped your soul

We were both drowning 
Scared to death we would die
You put me down
And started with those lies

(I love you, I won't hurt you, I forgive you, I will never do it again, you can trust me)

I know it's not your fault
You were afraid
But so was I
And you made me feel pain
Leaving me dry
It was one of those mistakes

You hit me

And again

But you said you'd change

Than yo beat me
Till bruises would appear
Said you're sorry
And kissed my cheeks 

I hated you
But I didn't run away

So you locked me in the dark
To make sure I'd stay

You broke my broken wings
My broken ribs
My broken heart

And it was when I realized 
I had to run away
Before I felt too hard

You never stopped though
You chased me
And cursed my soul

Leave me alone 

I'm sorry, but I'm not that strong

Fuck you
And live your life on your own

quinta-feira, 24 de outubro de 2013


Do you love me?
Did you ever do?
Only for that one night
We spent it just me and you

I don't know what to feel
They've been making me confused
I don't know where to go
I feel lost and abused

You don't have to save me
Just take me
Take me out of here
I never felt pain so near

I'll stay up late every night
Don't worry or ask if I'm alright
It's just the war on my mind
Don't ask me why

They follow me wherever I go
They never leave me alone
Though I still feel lonely
They bring pain, only

You don't have to save me
Just take me
Take me out of here
I never felt pain so near

Take me
Just ride
Take me out of here
I never felt pain so near

segunda-feira, 14 de outubro de 2013

What happened to my poetry?

Maybe the darkness ate them
As they ate my soul
Or maybe it was suffocated 
By them and the unknown

What happened to freedom?
What happened to love?
What happened to hope
And all of the above?

But mostly
What happened to me

I don't drink as much as I used 
I don't cut anymore

I binge
And starve
And starve

I closed myself
For everyone else

Nobody will find me
Nor you
Nor anyone else

Fuck off

Falling down

Leave me alone
To my darkness
My sadness
My madness

I'm so sorry
But it's not my fault
I'm tired 
Of you putting me
In such a pedestal

segunda-feira, 16 de setembro de 2013


I'm starved
And tired
And lost

Ugh, love
It comes with such a cost

It takes your soul
Your heart
And tear them into so many pieces
And in the end, you're all alone to die

The fault isn't mine
Or hers
Or his

But, dear, don't cry

What were you waiting for
When I said
That love comes with a cost

You whether learn from it
Or then you die

domingo, 8 de setembro de 2013

Remember me

   I can still remember how the sun was hitting his eyes and he had to put those stupid hollywood star's sunglasses on and hide his blue eyes.
   He never met my parents. He'd park in front of my house, but not in my driveway, and I'd get into his car and feel that sweet good perfume it had.
   "Again", he'd say, "I drove all the way down here. You gotta have something in mind for us to do", but I never did.
   Narcissist. Such a Narcissist.
   He knew about me being crazy, and he knew how I was a threat to myself. He also knew about my depression and anorexia, specially because we had lunch together. He used to sit by my side and see the new cuts on my wrists I always failed to hide. He always noticed my wrists and my fake eating.
   To be honest, I never thought he'd actually ever notice me. He was too proud and full of himself, and I was a self destructive bitch full of self hate.
   But he kept on asking me out, and we'd always do what I wanted to do. Even if they were the weirdest things.
   He took me to a cornfield because I wanted to see the fireflies, he took me to watch a movie like twilight because I read the book and loved it, he took me to a drive in were the bathrooms were so nasty. We had fun.
   He was probably a little embarrassed of being in love with me, since I was known as the depressed, get-drunk-go-cry girl. 
   That's probably why he was such an asshole sometimes. He didn't show up on my play I wanted him to watch, and he never went to my locker after class.
   But the weekends would come and he'd ask me out. Sometimes I felt depressed late at night and I texted him, asking him to pick me up. 
  He always picked me up! Always!
  We had sex so many times. He got my virginity and I got his. And when he went down... Oh, wow. He was the one who made me scream. He used to whisper dirty things and turn me on even more, if it was possible. We had sex in the back of the car, on the floor and under his bed. Good times. And awesome orgasms. 
  After sex, we'd both lay down and look up. He'd touch me gently to feel my cuts and scars and say "Please, don't hurt yourself ever again"
   " I can't promise you that", I'd always reply.
   It felt good when I was around him. He loved me, I can tell. He never really said that, but I could see through the way he looked at me at prom night, the way he used to moan close to my ear, the way his eyes were desperate to meet mine, and the way he smiled with those dark glasses every saturday evening.
   And I loved him too.
   We still talk sometimes, but we're not teenagers anymore.
   That was my love story. I just wish that stories didn't have an end.

terça-feira, 20 de agosto de 2013

terça-feira, 6 de agosto de 2013


Night time
Take two pills
Morning lights
Take half of it
Take two more
Until you're sane
Until you're gone

domingo, 4 de agosto de 2013

Take me

Can you take me out of here?

Take me somewhere I can't be found
Take me somewhere I don't know who's around
Take me higher, 'cause I fell to the ground

Can you take me back
Just don't take me to my past
You could just give me some rest
But you gotta do it real fast

Take me to death
Or as near as it could get
I really need a rest
From all the things that's left
All I need is to forget
Please, show me death.


Signs are shinning above my door
If I cross it right now
I know the spirits will bother
Leaving my soul to the poor

They'll pull my hair
Also pull my arms
They'll touch my legs
And, scared, I'll cry

I'll never know
What they want with me
But that's just a dark dream
Dark dreams are made of this

quinta-feira, 1 de agosto de 2013

Every other mental day

Feels like I'm riding a roller coaster in the dark
Sanity feels too damn far

I push people away
But, at the same time,
I'm scared they'll leave
And I end up saying "Fuck off"
But deep down I mean
"Stay, please"

My body is covered in bruises
Did I suffer from a 3rd degree burn?
I have no emotional skin
That's why I'm always hurt

But it gets worse
You don't know what to do
What you say is never enough
It's not only you
Who has to go through my mental stuff

You stop to wonder
What's in my head
But if you knew
You'd be already dead

Feels like I'm riding a roller coaster in the dark
And everyday
Sanity is still way too far

sábado, 20 de julho de 2013


What is it going on inside my head?
Is anybody there?
Why am I so lonely?
Does this happen to me only?

I'm somewhere between
Sanity and Suicide
That's probably what they call
"The Borderline"

quarta-feira, 17 de julho de 2013


I hate waking up in the morning
And see I'm still alive
I hate waking up in the morning
And realize my life's a lie
I hate waking up in the morning
That makes me wanna cry
I hate waking up in the morning
And see the pills didn't work last night

Death's touch

Everyone's dressed in black.

What the hell?
I don't get it
And she doesn't regret it
That's why she killed herself

Oh, please,
Don't you dare fucking cry at her funeral

You say
"If only I knew..."
Well, asshole, you did
You're part of what made her wanna do this

You saw the scars on her wrists
Her talks about suicide
You pretended it didn't exist
And you left it aside

Don't wear black
And don't you dare cry
She's finally free
Of her goddammit torturing life

And now you miss her
And wish she was here
Oh, you poor thing
Now everything seems clear

She wanted
She needed to die

Well, thank God, she did
And now
She's finally fine

You had your time
To avoid

segunda-feira, 15 de julho de 2013


1- Frantic efforts to avoid real or imagined abandonment

2- Unstable and intense interpersonal relationships, with marked shifts in attitudes toward others (from idealization to devaluation or from clinging dependency to isolation and avoidance), and prominent patterns of manipulation of others

3- Marked and persistent disturbance manifested by an unstable self-image or sense of self

4- Impulsiveness in at least two areas that are potentially self-destructive, e.g., substance abuse, sexual promiscuity, gambling, reckless driving, shoplifting, excessive spending, or overeating

5- Recurrent suicidal threats, gesture, or self-mutilatin behaviors

6- Affective instability due to marked reactivity of mood with severe episodic shifts to depression, irratibility, or anxiety, usually lasting a few hours and only rarely more than a few days

7- Chronic feeling of emptiness 

8- Inappropriate anger, intense anger, or lack of control of anger, e.g., frequent displays of temper, constant anger, recurrent phisical fights

9- Transient, stress-related paranoid thoughts or symptoms of severe dissociation

domingo, 14 de julho de 2013


I'm just sitting around
Watching the stars
I could stay here all night
Even thought it's real dark
Put the blame on those stars
'Cause they remind me of your eyes

And, to be honest,
I bought some Reds
I know you hate when I smoke
I felt so damn far from you
So I'll spend the night writting cheap poetry
Smoking some cigarettes

Today was a shitty day
Tomorrow won't be
Only if you're by my side
Only if it's you and me

quarta-feira, 10 de julho de 2013

Legally stable

You gotta be 21 to drink alcohol

You gotta be 18 to buy some cigarettes

What about depression?

It came to me
And I was only 15

terça-feira, 9 de julho de 2013


People never mean to say
 "I hate you"

They mean to say
"You hurt me"

You hurt me
You hurt me
You did

But it's gone
It's done

It's over
The pain's over
We're not over

You're back
I'm back
We're back

So hold me tight
And kiss my neck
Kiss my lips
Pull my hips
Look at my wrists
You know you left
You have me back

I hurt you
You can say you hate me

I do shit
All the fucking time
It's not alright
You can hate me if you want

But, please,

I hate you!
Don't leave me...

segunda-feira, 8 de julho de 2013


Just take the fucking pills...

I am stressed out
"Did you take your meds?"

Ugh, leave me alone
I need to get high
Need to get stoned

I'm dumb
I feel numb

I feel nothing.
I want to feel something.
But I don't feel like drinking
Don't feel like cutting

I don't think about suicide
Seems good,

What the fuck is going on?

This is not me.
I'm not myself anymore

"But you're much better", they say

Forget everything and anything.

That's what the meds are for

quinta-feira, 4 de julho de 2013


I need you
To sleep with me tonight
So I can wake up in the morning
With you by my side
A good reason to stay alive

quarta-feira, 3 de julho de 2013

Prozac Generation

We're the 90's kids.
It feels like we're the coolest so far
But, really,
Most of our girls spend time at the bars
Getting drunk
And getting high

We're the first generation who wanna kill ourselves
Or that keep wishing
We were somebody else
And all we need is real help

We go to psychologists and psychiatrists
Our parents say it's a phase 
Even though depression's been here
And it never goes away

Parents don't understand.
They say we're stressed out about our future

Well, we are.
Are we gonna be alive to see our future?
It feels so damn far

They fill us up with antidepressants 
So we stop talking about suicide
"They're just teenagers", they say
And all our real problems are left aside
We gotta keep it inside
Our going-insane mind

We're the Prozac Generation

"Get over it".

quarta-feira, 26 de junho de 2013


It was dark. Way too dark. And I was sweating. I couldn't breath. It felt like I was in hell. The only difference is that it was my particular hell. I was the only one in there, the only lost soul in this hell, and that thought gave me chills. It was too dark. I was trying to walk, with my hands in front of me, just to make sure I wouldn't run into anything. I couldn't find any light, couldn't find a way, couldn't find anybody to help me. It didn't matter if I screamed and screamed. I was all alone, drowning in the dark. I didn't know if the place I was in was big or small, if there was something in my way. I just felt all alone. And then I started to feel demons around me. They would pull my hair, scratch my skin, whisper bad things on my ears, and I could do nothing but stay in there. I couldn't reach them because I didn't know where they came from. All I knew is that I was alone in the dark, and I was very scared. And that's how depression feels like for me.

segunda-feira, 24 de junho de 2013


Why do people have to change?
They used to kiss my lips
But now they slap me in the face

Sometimes changes are good
But most times
It feels like they are not
And I feel so lost

I miss them
But I miss myself the most
I got tired of being a ghost
Who begs for life the most

I used to be fresh and pure,
-I believed-
Now I am dead and sad
The world made me mad
And I turned out to be impure

I miss their smile
But I miss mine the most
I miss their laugh and talks
But I miss mine the most
I miss their purity
But, really, I was never pure

I just miss being happy
Not thinking about suicide
I became a sad story to tell
All I gotta say is "goodbye".

Goodbye to myself...

Goodbye, fresh and free

sábado, 22 de junho de 2013

Teenage Rebel

Scars on her wrists
Vodka on her hands
Smile on her lips
It makes no sense

Deep talks
Light sleep
She loves walking
While drunk, when can't she think

She loves sex
But then she dies
'Cause after that
She feels a lie
About her past
That's why she cries

She turns them on
Leads them on
Then she says "no"
Thinks "where did I go?"

She drinks her alcohol
Smokes some cigarettes
With no regrets
Of recent past
That didn't last
More than a night
Hope that's alright

She's a teenage rebel
With scars on her wrists
Her mind's a twist
She's lot of trouble

quinta-feira, 20 de junho de 2013

Don't leave me alone

If you leave
I'll have nobody else
Than I'll never believe
I can reach help

I'll go back into my shell
Spend my time hurting myself
Until I die and go to hell
And then you'll find somebody else

Somebody that isn't sad

quarta-feira, 19 de junho de 2013

Dear Him

You're the one that listens to me
But you can't do everything
To help me with my disease

We talk
I cry
We walk
You don't want me to die
You need me alive

I want it to end
If I stay alive,
It never will
So let me take those pills

Other than that
Shoot me in the head
I'll die in your arms
But I'll die loved

There's no answer for me.
I was consumed by my disease
Feels bigger than me
I'm crazy
You see?!

I love you

Dear Mom and Dad

Leave me alone with my scars
Don't talk about them
As if they were nothing
'Cause it breaks my heart

Instead of talking
You could help
You say I'm "just scratching" myself
But you have no idea
Of what's on my mind and soul
So stop treating me this cold
Making me feel so alone

You say it's not depression
Maybe you're right
But there is something wrong with my head
Then help me
Don't judge me instead

You say I can't be crazy
I am not so sure
Instead of talking shit
Help me to find a cure

Before I'm gone
Gone forever
When suicide's done
And you wish you were clever
Clever enough to hear me screaming

Oh, whatever 

Suicide attack

Heart's beating faster
My control's gone
My hands are shaking
Everything's wrong
I am so done
Suicide's the only answer
But it can't really be
What if I kill myself
End up going to hell
Oh, please,
There's nothing else
Somebody, please, help
Slice your skin
Stare at the bottle of vodka
With 50 sleeping pills in your hands
Think about suicide
Think about talks
Think about hell
Please, stop
I gotta kill myself
The suicide attack is over
And I'm still here


She cries her soul

He thinks she's blessed by some God he doesn't even believe in. 

She's been forgiving
All the shit they did to her 
But deep in her heart 
Actually, she's sick of getting hurt 

It feels like If she confesses their sin 
She's the one to pay the price of the past
 In which she got really messed. 

She cries her soul 

He's here to tell her everything will be alright 

How can he know? 
She doesn't even feel alive anymore. 

She screams 
She's been asking for help 
But some just pretend 
And others can't do anything else

They've got the power 
And they'll kill her 

Kill me 
Kill me 
Kill me 
Please do it fast I can't stand the past 
Haunting me like it haunts the poor souls  

Kill me 
Other than that I will do it myself 
And I'll make all of them regret 
They didn't give me any real help. 

And tell him 
Tell him I love him so 
He cured part of my soul 
But others killed the rest of it. 

And tell him 
Tell him I am so sorryI left him this way
 The only answer was suicide 
The other answer, they gave it away.


terça-feira, 18 de junho de 2013

Naughty Zombie

Backseats of cars

But a little bit of passion 

They all think I'm still alive 

My lungs still breath 
My heart still beats
But I am dead
As painful as it could get 

 I got there

domingo, 16 de junho de 2013

Suicide Note

She asked
"Do you think people with mental disorders that kill themselves will go to hell?"

Some said "Yes". And some said "No".
They wondered why she wanted to know.

Weeks later, they found her body.
She overdosed on sleeping pills.

People could only hear church bells
Little did they know
She already knew hell.

Our "Father", they lie about Heaven

I am not very religious
And there are many reasons for that
I cried and asked for help
But it feels like He doesn't care.

I went to church
The doors were closed.

How can the church's door be closed?

Isn't this His house?
Doesn't He want me in?
Am I such a plague
He treats me like a brat
An insignificant little rat

I drink
I cut
I binge
I purge

I can't help it when I feel the urge

"Where are you, God?"
I asked Him so many times
Isn't it odd
Have I committed so many crimes?

The fires of hell
Already burned all my face
I kept asking for help
But my bruises wouldn't fade.

Well, maybe He's fake



You made me wanna die
You made me live so many lies

You made me feel sick
My soul was heavy as a brick

You made me feel unworthy it
There was no way to work it

The way you looked me in the eyes
You made me wanna die

So I did

sexta-feira, 14 de junho de 2013


A little bird
Needs to feel free
Not tied inside a cage
Where it's soul would burn

A little bird
Should find its way
And fly so happy
Just fly away

A little bird
Shouldn't feel lonely
Than fly with me
You and I only

quarta-feira, 12 de junho de 2013

Fallen for the angel

An Angel came to visit me
He looked me in the eyes
And he kissed my scars
I didn't stop asking myself
How I let him go so far

The Angel opened his wings
I've never felt so amazed
He put me inside his arms
I couldn't help but notice
He had some battle scars

The Angel was so strong
I kept wondering why
He was trying to save a girl so wrong

I fell for the Angel
And he fell for me
The most beautiful love

Being as in love with him as I am
Nobody would ever understand

Have you ever known depression?

Have you ever
Felt so depressed
You couldn't even feel your body?

Have you ever
Done what they told you not to do
Just to act a little naughty?

Have you ever
Sliced your skin
Just to feel something?

Have you ever
Done drugs
Because your mind felt like nothing?

Have you ever
Starved yourself
Just so you could feel in control?

Have you ever
lost your mind
But you had to cry it low?

Well, I have.

quinta-feira, 6 de junho de 2013

Endless pain

Endless pain
Won't go away
Endless pain
Will find its way
To me

Endless pain
Doesn't let me speak
Endless pain
Is tourturing me

Endless pain
Please leave
Endless pain
Let me breath
Endless pain
Has drowned me

I died
Of pain.

The Endless pain
Never went away


You're here
But I'm so far away
I never let you say
What I need to hear

I'm such a 

I'm sorry
I push everyone away
From this hole
That is my world
But, really...
what else can I actually say?


The world is so full of hate
Hate and desire.
I think they admire
Someone else's pain

It's just that easy to say
You want to be insane.
For me, sanity
Feels so far away

You're so lazy
To understand
What "crazy"
Means to me

quinta-feira, 30 de maio de 2013

What's going on, father?

I screamed
I screamed
I cried for help

You're my father
You should help me
If it's not you
Then who else?

I knew
That you knew
About those problems before

I just pretended
You didn't know
That my soul was so poor

I thought I could trust you
I thought you would help
But now I must find
I must find someone else

I've been trying
Some help I've been looking for
They also pretended they didn't know
And now I feel like a fucking whore

I would cry in your chest
But you never hugged me back
Here I'll be stuck
I still wish you the best

"Help me", I screamed
But you pretended you didn't hear
"What's going on, father?", I asked
You didn't answer
And it still fills me up with fear.

I am disappointed
I thought I could trust you
Obviously I was wrong
I hope it doesn't kill you too
Because, after all, I still love you.

segunda-feira, 27 de maio de 2013


I'm in love with the air
But I can't breath
I'm in love with the night
But I can't sleep
I'm in love with this place
But I must leave
And I'm in love with you
But you can't see it.



          are so full
                            of emptiness

sábado, 25 de maio de 2013

Sad craziness

Life is hell
Or is it just my mind
It sounds louder than bells
And it feels like you're stuck inside
Stuck inside this hell
The hell that is your mind
built by depression
which is an aggression
In this dark world of mine


quinta-feira, 23 de maio de 2013

My my my mind

What happened here?
Why's there so much fear?
They started praying the creed
As if the evil'd disappear
But this is a place where there's no peace
                                 Welcome to my mind

A scary place to live in
Where nobody's forgiving
A dark place that everybody's leaving
It's even hard to feel you're breathing
                                 Welcome to my mind

This is where I overdose in pills
Everything's a new appeal
Most of the things will never heal
It is happening, the pain I can't even feel
                                That is my mind

I am crazy
That's for sure
I am crazy
There is no cure.

                                Not for my mind.

terça-feira, 21 de maio de 2013

I am sorry

I can't say it in your face
So I'll jut type it anyways

I love you
I really do
The most amazing love
That I have never seen so pure.

You may not understand
What is in my head
But it's ok not to comprehend
All the thoughts that I can get.

You try your best
But I don't succeed
It is not your fault
It is such a big amount
of my agriness that you receive

You shouldn't have to handle me
Neither my crazyness
Or anything like that

You are so fresh and pure
I'm scared of never being cured
And here comes all my yelling that you get

You don't deserve any of that.
I love you.
I am sorry I am such a fuck up

Fuck you

Fuck you, authorities
Stop telling me what to do
I am nothing like you

You compare me to yourself
You forget I'm someone else
You force me back into my shell
You turn my life into a living hell
And now you claim you just want to help

You're a liar
A bitch
A dick

You should be fired
Gave my soul a scar so thick

And again,

Fuck you!

segunda-feira, 20 de maio de 2013

Self harm

Cuts on her legs
Cuts on her wrists
Cuts on her belly
Not to mention the chest

Cuts are getting bigger
The skin is getting purple
Cuts are getting thicker
And they become a struggle

For me,
It's an addiction
But an affliction
Is what you see

Don't tell me to stop cutting
Or even stop crying
I'm cutting to feel alive
'Cause inside I'm dying

Oh, Skinny love

Come on, Skinny love
Just last a night
Drinks to numb her mind
Forgets what's right
My, my, my
Keep asking why
My, my, my                                                           
She's losing her life.                

             Oh, Skinny love
             Just last the week
             She's starving herself
             But the meal's here
             My, my, my
             She began to faint
             My, my, my
             Everyone's away                 
                                     Oh, Skinny love
                                     Just last the month
                                     He keeps calling
                                     But she refuses to answer the phone                                                       
                                     My, my, my
                                     She feels so weak
                                     My, my, my
                                     Nobody's here

                                                               Come on, Skinny love
                                                               Just last the year
                                                               Now she has no pulse
                                                               She was never here
                                                               My, my, my
                                                               Keep wondering why
                                                               My, my, my
                                                              She lived a lie
                                                              My, my, my
                                                              Finally lost her life

sábado, 18 de maio de 2013


What is that?
Can I feel it?
Will I ever regret?

It's a weird word
A strange feeling
I can feel no more.

Why does that bother me so much?
I can love nobody
They were all just a crush

Is anything but me
I'm unable to feel it
Why can't you see?

Empty croud

So many reasons to lie
But no reasons to live
All I want is to die
And my soul they shall keep

Tears come down my face
But I feel nothing anymore
All the love, I gave it away
So all that's left's a dirty whore

I'm dying
And I've been lying
Laying in bed while crying
Somewhere else I should be flying

Will he come home?
Does he need to be saved?
Why are we so alone?
There's no one else to blame.

They found the drugs
She had a stroke
I'm cutting again
The family's broke

It's all my fault
It started when I came

It's all my fault
I can only cause pain

It's all my fault
I should've gone away

It's all my fault
But for you I'll pray.

quinta-feira, 16 de maio de 2013

Anxiety attack

Anxiety is here again

Can you just stop doing that?

How can you stay so calm?

Can't you see what's all around?

What the hell is wrong now?

But, wait...
What was I going to say?
Oh, yeah.
What the hell is going on?

Stop telling me that
Oh, shit. Anxiety is here
And it is chasing me again.

terça-feira, 14 de maio de 2013


Just a cut
Just a scratch
"What is that mark?"
"It was the cat"

Just an excuse
Just another lie
"What's with all those bracelets?"
"Just fashion, why?"

Just a tear
Just a scream
"Why are you crying?"
"Just a bad dream"

But it's never just a cut,
A tear or a lie
It's always 'Just one more'
Until you die.

- Unknown

segunda-feira, 13 de maio de 2013

Depression on someone else's eyes

                    "You poor little thing!
                     Let me take care of you"
                                                                                                      "But, seriously...
                                                                                                       What do you feel?"

       "What do you want me to do?"              
                                                                           "Just eat!"
"                Why don't you just be happy?"
                                                     "Let me check your wrists"

                               "You're grown up!
                                 Put your shit together!"

                                                            "Tell me what is going on!"

"You're being selfish"
                                                 "I'm here,
                                                  You know?"

                                                                                   "Just get over it!"

          "Why didn't you tell me?"


I found shelter
in the rain.
Hide the pain,
so he doesn't go away.

Maybe I have said it
Maybe it was wrong
Maybe it was too much pity
Or maybe it was you.

                                                                 I found shelter
                                                                 In the dark
                                                                 Where I could cry
                                                                 I know, it wasn't smart.

                                                                 Maybe I have said
                                                                 Something that hurt you
                                                                 Or maybe I just did
                                                                 Something I shouldn't do.

I found shelter
Inside your arms.
But what am I doing?
The affair went too far.

Maybe I have said
Something that was new
And you felt surprise
It wasn't all about you.

                                                           I lost my shelter
                                                           And faced the pain
                                                           What were we doing?
                                                           Who's gone away?

                                                           Maybe it's what I said
                                                           Maybe it was the affair
                                                           Maybe you began to stray
                                                           And it is time to go away.

domingo, 12 de maio de 2013

The Lion and the Siren

     It was almost midnight and the moon was darker than usual. The Siren just got out of the river, turning her tail into beautiful long legs. Her hair curled to her waist.The Siren wore her satin dress and went to the village looking for a man to seduce, so she could drag him into the river and eat his flesh with her sisters.
     Meanwhile, the Lion walked on all four paws, and while he walked, he turned into a very attractive man. His mane became a long hair, and eyes seemed to catch fire. He would seduce a woman and take her to his flock, where all the lions would eat her flesh.
     It was a special night. Full moon night. Night of partying in the villages. A perfect night for hunting.
     The Siren arrived at a village and quickly hung out with everyone. She listened to the music played by the troubadours, who soon improvised something to sing to the beautiful lady, while other women felt jealous of the beauty and grace of the newcomer. Little did they know that she was a mermaid, willing to steal one of those guys and drag him into the river.
     The Siren started singing according to the music played. She sang with the most magnificent voice they ever heard. All men were almost drooling while they listened to the  perfect, sweet, melodious voice of the strange girl.The Siren didn't have a target in mind yet. She as planning on choosing the less interested of all men and would seduce him.
     The Lion went around the village and heard that supernatural voice. He needed to know who was the woman who sang so beautifully, and whether her flesh was as sweet as her voice. The Lion finally walked into the village. All women noticed the strange new man and started to whisper to each other, but the Lion was seeking the woman who sang with such grace, trying not to show much interest in her.
     The Siren realized there was a young man who wouldn't give her as much attention as the others.
     That's him,  thought the creature. This is the flesh we need.
     The Lion realized that the woman did not look at him as the others did, and he felt a certain mystery on her eyes.
     That's her, he thought. She has the sweet blood that end our hunger and thirst.
   The Siren stopped singing, and the music started playing as loud again. Men and women were excited and started dancing. Women trying to impress Lion, as the men tried to impress the Siren. But nobody was successful. Only those two could seduce one another with the greatest of ease.
    And the Lion danced with the Siren, forgetting his purpose, forgetting his hunger and thirst. He could only focus on the delicate body of the girl he held while dancing. And the Siren was lost in his eye. His eyes seemed to burn inside her, making her forget about her hunger for the flesh.
     And they danced. They danced for several hours without stopping. Until they decided to leave that place and get lost in the forest, where they made love all night.
     Before dawn, the Siren returned to the river, and the Lion returned to his flock. They had failed their haunt, but their brothers and sisters could get what they needed.
    The Siren fell in love with Lion and the Lion fell in love with Siren. But they could not be together because the Siren belonged to the water, and the Lion belonged to the fire. Still, nothing could stop them, nothing could stop the love they felt for each another.
    It was like that until the end of times: The Lion and the Siren met every full moon in the midst of nature, hidden from their flocks, hidden from people, hidden from fire and water, hidden so they could love.


  She sat down in the cold ground of the bathroom and held her head between her hands. She felt lost. The girl  didn't know if she was trying to get rid of the thoughts that were haunting her, or if she wanted to keep sanity inside her head. Well, too bad. Sanity was long gone for her.
   "Help" She whispered.
   And he came. He sat by her side and asked what was going on. The girl started screaming.
   "I am crazy" She cried "And you know that! I lost it!"
   He took a long breath, then he said "Don't even say that. You are not crazy. You just need some help".
   She screamed again, but he calmly held her in his arms. She laid her head on his chest and stopped screaming so now she could cry. He caressed her, touched the scars on her wrists, as if that would make her pain go away.
   It did.
   At least for the night, but it did.

quinta-feira, 11 de abril de 2013

Broken Highway

The rain started to fall
The sky was extremely gray
My feelings were like a roller coaster
Turning into darker shades
He offered me a ride
I was already driving myself crazy anyways
I told him some lies
Hoping he would take me away
He offered me a cup of tea
Instead, I bought a meat stick
Chilled for a little bit
And started to fall asleep
I was still scared
Felt really unprepared
With dreams and nightmares
That would follow me everywhere

domingo, 24 de março de 2013

Kill me

( based on the song " Kill me", by The Pretty reckless)

I will open up this discussion with " I am not impressed with any motherfucking word you say
See, I just didn't cry when they came inside
And now I'll just burn my soul into Hades.

Shut the fuck up
cause I'm trying to think
I lost my concentration
Gimme one more drink

And then I try to remember all the advices that my friends just told me
But all the lost souls say

" Everyday I wake up.
But everyday I wake up alone.

Kill me! Somebody kill me.
Or get me out of the sun "

Drugs, bars, backseats and scars.
LSD and Shots,
what a boring life I led so far.
Just a prime 15 when I rode this machine
Try to keep myself from dirt,
but my mind was never clean

So with a wink and a smile,
and a vial of death.
He took my hand and he pushed me towards the shadow of  death.
And then I try to remember all the advices that my boyfriend told me.

But my lost mind and soul say

" Everyday you wake up.
But everyday you wake up alone.

Kill it.
Just kill it.
Or get us out of the sun"

Deep. Deeper. Deeper inside.
Take the shot, long but fast, so that it covers your mind.
Can't find a God,
where's love?
Where's Jesus?
The Father?
I can't even care that much
So what do they still bother?

So, let me just end as I was supposed to begin
Don't waste your time waiting
Cause I will never back in

If I could just remember all the advices that my Mother told me.

But all the....
But all the lost souls say

" Everyday we wake up.
But everyday we  all wake up alone

Kill me.
Just kill me.
Or get me out of the sun"